


Rain

by Kindandyoung



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Past Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23289250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kindandyoung/pseuds/Kindandyoung
Summary: Chasten deals with the aftermath of one of the worst days of his life, among other things, one year later.
Relationships: Chasten Buttigieg/Pete Buttigieg
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. This work is a companion to, and takes place before the events of my first-time fic, Finally (which will be updated soon i promise). Enjoy :)

It was a Friday in November, and Chasten had recently arrived at his boyfriend’s house. It was date night, and as usual, once they got home, they put their pajamas on and cozied up in bed. Chasten made a move on Pete by moving his lips to Peter’s neck and slowly kissing and sucking his skin. They hadn’t yet gone all the way; they were taking things slow. But, they still looked forward to their steamy make-out sessions. This time, Pete was feeling daring, and slightly horny, so he decided to straddle Chasten’s lap when it was his turn to return the favor of neck kisses. Chasten wrapped his arms around Pete, breathing heavily. Pete gently placed both his hands below Chasten’s ears, kissing his lips passionately, sliding his tongue into his mouth.

Suddenly, Chasten felt trapped. He tried to remind himself, that this was Pete, not Brad, and that Pete would never hurt him. He tried to convince himself that the weight he felt on top of him wasn’t crushing him, wasn’t suffocating him, that it was just his boyfriend, and that he was in control. Pete soon caught on, though, as Chasten stopped responding to his kisses.

Pete lifted his head and looked at him. Chasten’s face had gone pale, and he had a blank look on his face, as though he were fixated on some far off object. His eyes were wide, his muscles tense, and he was breathing very deeply. Peter quickly moved off of Chasten's lap to sit next to him. 

“Chasten? Chasten, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

This seemed to get Chasten out of his trance. He relaxed his shoulders, and covered his face with his hands. Peter gently held onto his arm, studying his expression.

“Chasten, is everything okay?”

He was still breathing heavily, but he managed to get out: “I’ll be fine, I’m just, just-”

His words were overtaken by a wave of hyperventilation. 

“Chasten, breathe with me, okay?” 

Peter faced him and took a deep breath through his nose, held it, and exhaled through pursed lips. Chasten tried to follow along, but his breaths came out shaky and he had tears streaming down his cheeks. Finally, his breathing returned to normal, and Pete reached to his nightstand grabbed a tissue and a glass of water. He handed the tissue to Chasten, who wiped away his tears and sweat, then handed it back to Pete to throw away. Pete handed him the glass of water, and he drank it. When he was done, he leaned his head on Pete’s shoulder, looking for comfort. 

Pete had no idea what triggered Chasten’s anxiety attack, but he knew that Chasten had been in abusive situations, so maybe that had something to do with it. Whatever it was, it was okay with him if Chasten didn’t want to talk about it, but that didn't stop him from wondering. 

* * *

"Peter, can I tell you something?"

Chasten asked Pete suddenly while they sat on the couch one Saturday afternoon. They had been seeing each other for almost three months, and Chasten had driven to South Bend the previous day to spend the weekend with his boyfriend. After lunch, they sat together on the couch, with Chasten pressing himself into Pete’s side, and Pete wrapping his arm around his shoulders. 

"Of course you can."

Chasten pulled away to look Pete in the eye. 

"Before we go any further, I need you to know that I, umm, something happened to me when I was young.”

Pete became nervous. 

“What happened?”

“I was at a house party, when I was younger, and I had a lot to drink. I fell asleep in one of the bedrooms, and when I woke up, there was a man next to me. He... forced himself onto me. Sexually. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to fight back, but I was so disoriented that it just seemed easier to lay there and wait for it to be over. I didn’t know him too well, but he was a friend of a friend’s.”

He looked down at his hands.

“Peter, that’s why I kind of freaked out yesterday. I think I was having a flashback.”

Peter took deep breath and looked away from Chasten. He felt physically sick. How could anyone take advantage of someone as sweet and gentle as his Chasten? 

“I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

Chasten held Peter’s face in his hands. 

“No, Peter, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know.” Chasten desperately wanted Peter to know that it had nothing to do with him, that he was just broken and afraid. He lowered his hands from Peter’s face. 

“Chasten... have you told anyone else? How long ago was this?”

“I haven’t told anyone else. And it was about a year ago. I know that I should’ve, but I was afraid that I would be blamed. And I just felt so disgusting, and so ashamed that I-...”

His breath got caught in his throat, and his eyes became teary. Pete wanted so badly to hold him tightly to his chest and stroke his cheek, to let him know that he was safe, that he would never let him into harm’s way again. But he thought better of it, knowing that Chasten may not react well to physical touch. Instead, he took Chasten’s left hand in his right, and placed his left hand onto Chasten’s shoulder. 

“Baby, it’s alright. I’m not blaming you for not coming forward. I just wanted to know if you had reported it.”

Peter’s voice was low and concerned. 

“No. Peter, I don’t want to go to the police.” 

“That’s okay, baby, we don’t have to do it just yet. We can wait until you’re ready.” 

“Thank you.”

Chasten put his head on Pete’s shoulder tentatively, and Pete wrapped his arms around him, gently stroking his back. Chasten, feeling overwhelmed, laid the entire weight of his head on Peter’s shoulder, and began to cry tears of relief. He knew Peter well, but he was still uncertain about how he would take the news. Turns out, Peter wasn’t mad at him, he didn’t blame him, and he didn’t take it personally. Not that he thought that he would, but there was always a voice in the back of his mind telling him that Peter’s kind and loving nature was too good to be true. 

Peter didn’t mind the front of his shirt getting wet. He moved his hand to stoke Chastens hair, and held him tighter. He whispered into his ear in an attempt to reassure both Chasten and himself, that he was safe, it was going to be okay, and that he loved him. After Chasten had calmed down a bit, he looked at Pete's face. 

"Peter, I need you to know that I love you, and I know that you would never hurt me. But, I just need for us to take things slow, and for you to know that it's not your fault if I can't... be as physically intimate with you as I would like to be. It's just that, I am so fucking _tired_ of being taken advantage of. I don't mean to manipulate you, but if this doesn't work out, I am completely done with relationships. "

“Chasten, was there... anything else that happened?”

“Yeah. My last boyfriend, he used to hit me. And yell at me, and call me names. Early on, he was nice, but one day we had an argument and he got so angry that he just, slapped me. I was so ashamed. I didn’t know what to do. He started crying and telling me that he was sorry, and I didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but he somehow convinced me to forgive him. At the time, I was living with him, mainly because I had no where else to go. When he got home from work, he would take out his anger on me. Sometimes he would even deny the things that he did, or act like I was the one who was abusive. When we had sex he would hurt me, and I would ask him to stop, but he didn’t. He would even force me to have sex when I didn’t want to.”

A lot of things ticked Pete off, but it was difficult to make him truly angry. Chasten’s ex, however, was someone who was able to make his blood boil, and he hadn’t even met the guy. If he did, it wouldn’t be a pretty picture. 

“Chasten, I am so, so sorry that anyone would treat you like that. You deserve so much better.”

”But, Peter, sometimes I provoked him. I knew that he had a short temper, and I would say things that...”

Peter put his hands firmly on Chasten’s cheek, moving their faces closer together, a concerned look on his face.

”Chasten, no, sweetie. No one deserves that. You understand me?”

He nodded.

”Peter?”

”Yes?”

”I love you, babe.”

It wasn’t the first time they said “I love you”. But it was still new to them.

”I love you too.” He kissed his forehead, hugging him close.

Soon enough, Chasten began to snore. When Pete left the couch, he replaced his own body with a throw pillow for Chasten to rest his head on, and covered him with a blanket. 

When Chasten awoke, he was reassured of what he already knew to be true. That he was in love. 

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Taylor Swift’s “Clean” while writing this, hence the title. Constructive criticism always accepted:). Find me on Twitter @bearedgeedge


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